Henchmen Wanted: Apply at SpaceMonkey Island

I am 69% Evil Genius

Evil courses through my blood. Lies and deceit motivate my evil deeds. Crushing the weaklings and idiots that do nothing but interfere in my doings.

Take the Evil Genius Test at fuali.com

Buwahahahhahahaha, My legions are.....legion! [wrings wrists] Did I mention I invented the internet?

Hat tip to Steve.

Water At A Red Planet Near You?

Mars: A Water World? Evidence Mounts, But Scientists Remain Tight-Lipped

From their shutupedness, it looks likes NASA might actually have some news forthcoming about water on Mars. I guess we'll have to wait and see.

MSNBC Reports on Poll That Blogging Still Infrequent, Well, Duh!

Blogging still infrequent, study finds

Despite the potential of turning every Internet user into a publisher, relatively few have created Web journals called blogs and even fewer do so with regularly, a new study finds.

Some bloggers indeed update their journals often, in some cases several times a day. But it's clearly a minority who are taking advantage of the blog and its potential to steer the online discourse with personal musings about news events and daily life.

What? You mean people with jobs other than publishing or writing aren't publishing and writing more than fulltime publishers and writers with their cadre of support employees who do editing, fact checking and layout?

Inconceivable!

I really just don't see how that's possible.

But seriously, how many people started home newspapers or newsletters when they had all the tools they needed: Intel 386 home computers, text editors, MS paintbrush and color dotmatrix printers? A few, to be sure. But why not 100%? Well, it's like any undertaking, costs (time, money) were too high or interest in the effort is too low or the concept doesn't fit into their world view. Today when I talk to most people about weblogs I usually get that puzzled, head cocked to the side look You know the one. It's the "You have a what? A blawg? That like some sort of blue dawg?" look. With blogs you get it or you don't. Maybe more accurately, you get it, immediately, you won't get it, ever or you will get it, eventually.

I fell into the you WILL get it, later bucket.

At first I just read my friend Shane's blog and then shortly after that another friend Steve's blog. Then I branched out from there and read a few other blogs that they had linked to on their blog rolls and then a few further out from there. Some I liked that continued to draw me back and of course many I never returned to. But I found myself in awe of the potential of this mode of communication. I wanted to join this community to have my voice heard, my words read, but I needed a little push.

Shane started to talk to me about starting my own blog. He finally talked me into it when his head shaking reaction about my choice of blog names told me it was odd enough to merit my efforts. And then this freak show began. Luckily, I've had a good bit of technical support from Shane, most it seems have to go it alone. I don't get the traffic some do, but then, I recognize I am an acquired taste. I have to grow on people just like the idea of keeping an online journal had to grow on me.

But the communication is happening, Now that I have started doing this I don't know that I could stop. I am compelled to try to improve every aspect of my little enterprise here and also to try to reach a wider and maybe even weirder readership.

It takes time, it's a growth thing. Give us all some time, we're going it relatively alone. It brings to mind a quote, what's that quote about how long it took to build Rome? Yeah, that's the one.

Scrabble© Rouser

Pholph's Scrabble Generator My Scrabble© Score is: 60. What is your score? Get it here.

hyuck hyuck

Update: Whoops forgot to credit Bryan, found at Arguing With Signposts

Feedback

I am considering giving the subject of Monseur Heinz as Harvey calls him, a rest from my persistant however dull wit.

Gentle reader, In a bold and selfless move I'm asking you for your opinion on the matter. To that end I ask you to buck up your courage and read at least two or three of the fake news stories I've written recently (there's some funny in there somewhere, so keep going till you find it) before letting me know what you think.

If you think I've worn the topic out and should find another untapped well, tell me where you think I should direct my groundbreaking, subtle and undefined brand of swamp bilge humor.

Tell me 'Kerry is the thinking man's Darth Sidious' or something similar, if the Kerry thing is working for ya.

Or "Stick a banana in it monkey boy, this blog blows chunks" If you think the mothership should come back to collect her son.

People of Earth, what do you say? Let your voice be heard! Drop me a comment. I'm commentwhoring listening.

Update: To comment, click on the 'Speak you Monkeys' link below this post, it's orange.
Update again: Duh, I forgot the label on the comments link changes when I actually get a comment then it beceomes '(#) trained monkeys speak.' Oh and thanks for the advice so far.

Kerry `Against` `For`

Presidential hopeful John Kerry (D - Massachusetts), today has finalized his political stance on the hotly debated topic 'For.' Persons close to the candidate say they are pretty sure he's against it.

Kerry himself says "'For,' the topic at hand is at the epitome of the demagoguery of idealogues. The position I have now and indeed always have carried regarding 'For', is, my Viet Nam war record not withstanding, that many, or perhaps even a quorum, you could say of the Senate, or in another sense the UN Security Council, one could postulate, that, ipso facto, ad valorum, ceteras parabas, quid pro quo, Voulez vou coucher avec moi, se soir?. And in that I am just like the working Americans trying to build a better life for their families, give or take a few millions in ketchup money."

His top campaign officers assure us he was not speaking to Ms Polier, specifically and also that Kerry did take a position in his statement, though there is a disagreement amongst their ranks about exactly what that position was. Of them 4 out of 7 agree they think he said he was against 'For', 2 thought Bush was actually Hitler and the seventh said 'Where's my free ketchup? I was promised free ketchup.'

A team of experts has yet to yield independent confirmation of any of this.

In a related story, Senator Kerry has announced he's almost ready to firm up his position on the other burning issue, 'Against' and will 'speak' on the 'subject' 'later' this 'week'.

This fake news story brought to you by gazelles. Remember friends, gazelles don't say anything, they don't have voiceboxes.

A Poem Relevant to Something Irrelevant

Read the Space Monkey King.

I don't think I'll post here it so, just go read it for yourself.

Kerry Affronted At `Flip Flop` Flap

Responding to critics that he has 'flip flopped' on several issues for which he has been visibly critical of President Bush yet supported vocally as well as with his vote in the Senate, Democratic hopeful Sen. John Kerry (D- Massachusetts) had the following rebuttal:
"I have never flip flopped on any issue. To me the concept of a flip flop is cheap, common, vulgar and is a blatant unpatriotic attack on my spotless war record. And we never, ever flip flopped in Viet Nam during the war. "

"I may clog up the issues. I may slide here and there regarding an issue or two. I may at times sandal about an issue if I so choose. Yet, I would prefer to be considered one who Birkenstock's frequently and expensively on the issues, any issue. But this accusation that I 'flip flop' [spits], sacre bleu! moi? no, no, no! I apologise for being such a mule about this.

This fake news story brought to you by Kerry Flip Flops. Remember friends, Kerry Flip Flops with their patented 'waffled sole', provide the perfect balance of support, or not, you need in casual footwear. They come in PAC's of one, so use one on whichever leg you are trying to stand at the moment.

W00h00 ! @m 40% 633k!

I am 40% Geek

You probably work in computers, or a history deptartment at a college. You never really fit in with the "normal" crowd. But you have friends, and this is a good thing.

Take the Geek Test at fuali.com


-I guess to be 100%, one would have to write their own linux kernal, alone, during a marathon caffeine-laden coding session and not even desire the ability communicate verbally.

For those of you thinking of taking the test. wait till after you take it to click the following. all about l337

@nd N0 p33k!n6!

Update: Oh yeah, I went and got me some of that there trackback. Thanks Haloscan. Track it out!
Update: Thanks to Shane for point this out to me on Steve's Website.

New World Created: Reactions Abound

The BBC reports the US Army has created or is creating a new Earth.

Already reactions are pouring in, predictably. Here's a sample.

Official UN Press release: The US should have asked for the international community's approval to create this new world. Unilateral actions like this will result in many, many carefully worded yet only vaguely threatening resolutions to follow this release.

Terry Mcauliff of the DNC: "It will be a glorious world, a worker's paradise and to think it was built using gloriously collected taxes by a government agency. Ooooh, just glorious. I think I messed my pants."

Ralph Nader: "The first thing this new world needs is a law against cor-po-wa-tions, insipid evil cor-po-wa-tions, then the second thing it needs is a law against any more laws. On second thought, there should no plans to put humans there at all. They, I mean, WE would just pollute it."

Al Gore: "The.....Army... creating.... a..... world,.... a..... so.... called..... new..... Earth..... is..... an..... achievement..... akin.... in.... many.... ways...... to..... my...... creating.... the.... inter" quote ends, correspondent slipped into coma.

More as this story unfolds....

This fake news story brought to you by The Man. Remember friends, The Man says 'Get Back To Work!! Or The Beatings WILL Resume!!'

Over 93 Percent Jobless Rate Predicted

Another person in New York lost their job this week in the most public way possible, on broadcast television. The job loss marks the seventh of the 'season' and was announced in advance as were the other 6. President Bush said he plans to add 2.6 million new jobs this year. Yet estimates from the Trump corporation are that a total of 15 out of 16 Trump employees will have lost their jobs when the round of firing is over. That is more than a 93% reduction of force and is severe by anyones measure. There is no word from the White House to move forward with any plan to stop the hemmoraging of jobs from Trump Industries.

Week after week, CEO Donald Trump continues to fire employees as America's TV viewing populace is powerless to stop him. With the current administration in the White House seemingly indifferent to the plight of Trump employees, the bleeding off of American Jobs is sure to continue.

This fake news story brought to you by Donald Trump. Remember friends, Donald Trump says 'YOU'RE FIRED!'

Libertas Rodentia

Is it my imagination or is there a lot of mouse imagery used in this report on the outcome of the Libertarian Party Wisconsin primary?

I know Wisconsin is known as the "cheese state" but c'mon, that was just a wee bit TOO cheesy.

Blame Bush

I laughed till I cried. I Blame bush

He looked at me as if I had just crawled out from a sack of wet squirrels.

Priceless

Rex Hammock meets the POTUS

Maybe I dont get out much but I've never read this guy before today.

But freak!

You gotta read this. He got to meet W! And wrote very eloquently about it to boot.

My favorite part?

If George W. Bush could spend 25 minutes chatting with everybody in America like he did with me and five other folks today, he would win any election by a landslide.

Bush `Troubled` by Necrophi1iac Marriage Issue, Kerry `Confused`

Bush 'Troubled' by Necrophi1iac Marriage Issue
Washington - President Bush said Wednesday he was troubled by weddings between the living and the dead in Kansas City and by legal decisions in Iowa that could clear the way for necrophi1iac marriage. "

"I have watched carefully what's happening in Kansas City, where licenses were being issued, even though Missouri law states otherwise," Bush said. "I have consistently stated that I'll support law to protect marriage between one living man and one living woman who are not descended from one another and farm animals, farm implements nor the dead should be involved either. Obviously these events are influencing my decision."

He didn't answer to say if he was nearer to giving support of a constitutional ammendment to forbid necrophi1iac marriages, as conservative groups say the White House has assured them the president will do.

Presidential Hopeful Sen. John Kerry expressed support for those who choose the necriphi1iac lifestyle, but said he thought the issue of marriages between the living and the dead should in the perogitive of the individual states. "Really, I'm confused, who's being harmed here? I mean, they aren't going to get any deader are they?", Kerry deadpanned.

This fake news story brought to you by France. Remember friends, French people say "American, you want marry dead person? No? Come to France."

Truthlation of "A Message from Governor Dean"

Since I hear Dean was finally bugging out, bailing and ditching his quest for galactic empire. I thought I would see what the Dean for America blog was saying, if anything, at this late date. I found A Message from Governor Dean But there were some just plain bs misleading or delusional statements so I, in the public interest, did a Truthlation of the message.

Truthlation? Mwhuh?, you say? Well, mwhuh indeed.

In case you are wondering what the freak a truthlation is, a Truthlation is similar to a fisking. Instead of a stinging rebuttal following the quote, what follows is the translation to truth*, saying what the person would have said if they were being more forthcoming and honest, even to themselves. Hence Truthlation. (Look ma, I coined a phrase.)

Truthlation('A Message from Governor Dean')

Governor Dean sent the following message to supporters tonight.

Ex-Governor Dean sent the following message, after the original message was reviewed to ensure any 'Captain Insano routine' bits were deleted, to supporters tonight.

You folks are the best!

You folks are the best bunch of losers to ever help me lose a campaign!

I hope you will all keep active both in our new enterprise as we develop it, but also in the short term.

I hope you let me finish ruining your lives, you're all fairly young and I think I can make a few more bucks off you yet.

We can still send delegates to the convention, and we should.

We're not through losing here. Our defeat has just begun! The crushing blow of death still looms ahead! Our defeat will be final and while maybe not not fatal, perhaps maimal, is that a word, when it comes and it should.

If you are in a state with district, and state conventions, please make sure everyone goes, so that we send all the delegates we are entitled to.

Ok I'm begging now, I have got just a few bucks left. Go work and support my losing cause but now with no campaign ads.

If you are in a state that has not yet voted, be sure to vote. We'll have a great time at the convention.

If you are in a state that has not yet voted, still vote, for me. At the convention, I'm buying iced mocha latte`s with a dash of cinnamon for everyone, with your own donations! And By the way I do this great insane guy impression. Oh, you've seen it.

Thank you all for how hard you have worked, how much money you raised.

Thank you for all the, now meaningless, help you provided in my defeat, really. and thanks for all the nickel amd dime donations too.

And thanks for getting involved.

Thanks for nothing.

It feels a h*ll of a lot better to try and lose, than not to try at all.

Hahaha Hillary, how many democratic presidential nominations have YOU lost? I'm king of the WORLD, Wahoo!

In any case I have to say that I don't really feel like we have lost.

In any case I have to say that I am an idiot, still unable to accept defeat even though that is all there is for me to accept.

We only lose if we quit.

We lost, I quit. I'd LOVE to think we didn't quit, and we just dropped out but we got our stuff handed to us in a neatly wrapped package.

There is an enormous amount of power in numbers, and we can still change this country (and that is exactly what we're going to do!).

There is an enormous amount of power in numbers. For instance the number zero when refering to the number of states I finished first in has the enormous power to make me quit. You see, there's an even more enormous amount of power in larger numbers. Yeaaaarwhatever.

Many thanks,

Shutting up now,

Howard Dean

Howard Dean

See, isn't the truth* better? Now I feel better. Don't you?

Sidenote: I'm kinda sad Dean has quit, he was fun before his keepers put the leash on, or he went back to the factory or whatever.

_{* as I see it.}

Kerry-Polier 2004 - Revisited

Harvey of bad money has suggested (for reasons that best go unmentioned, nudge, nudge, wink, wink, this never happens to me, honest!) that we demand a '7 *second*' interval documentation of their lives instead of the seven minute version I mentioned recently.

I want to emphasize those are his asterisks, not mine. The quotation marks (') are mine but as to the asterisks, those are definitely Harvey's. With that issue settled, we now return back to topic.

Harvey,
We could ask for that (7 *second*s) right now but kind, friendly, naive Harvey, that would cut practically to the end of our accusations of deception and our fingerpointing fun.

You see, Following the Terry Mcauliff Scandal Handbook 2004 Release the plan is we get the 7 minute version, pretend to peruse it for a millisecond or two and THEN declare/demand, in order,
"Hey, what are you hiding here? There are 6 minute 59 second gaps between every entry."
"Where's the video coverage?"
"Why is there no independent confirmation of the 10:33am restroom entry of July 3rd, 1989?"
"Where are the botox treatment entries?"
"What is NOT in here says more than what IS in here!"
"What's BUSH Kerry covering up?"
"Fake medals!"
"Wink."
"NUDGE!!!"

Then we demand and get the one minute version and keep going and keep going until Kerry Bush is elected or some other more scandalous scandal is generated from all of this sewermongering.

Be patient, Harvey, we'll get the 7 *second* version, don't you worry. Don't you worry.

Kerry Complicit Concerning Communist Contribution Connection? NBC News Nut Nixes Notion Neatly

In what can only be termed AlliterationGate, an NBC producer reports in a MSNBC article that Chinese arms money was funneled through Kerry's Senate reelection campaign. Get this, Kerry is repeatedly defended in the article not surprisingly by the journalist reporting the story.
Case in point, first Kerry is characterized thusly

Senator John Kerry, D-MA, unwittingly tried to help a Chinese espionage agent and arms dealer in 1996

Yes, of course it was unwittingly that seems to be the emerging theme of his life.

[There is no evidence Kerry knew of the illegality.]

Ok, that's a relief, but too bad that's not a valid defense, lack of proof does not equate to proof of lack...WHOOPS...Sorry folks, I thought for a minute there we were talking about a Republican, Never mind. Innocence presumption resumed. Now, where was I?

Kerry could not have known, until Chung pleaded guilty and began talking to investigators in March, 1998, that the money he needed so desperately back then was tainted

Of course he couldn't have known, he's just really repeatedly easily duped and the money, hey, he needed the money.

Is this a quality we want in a commander in chief? Someone who believes everything he's told? Until he's told things are otherwise and cries foul? Then whines ' I was misled, MISLED'. Never mind you are not being lied to if the person speaking is speaking the truth as they know it.

A lie lies in the intent behind the words, not in the words themselves.

Ok that was a little serious, So let me end this by saying 'Commie Cong Kerry Keeps Corrupt Campaign Coin 'Cause Contributors Can't Contradict Currency Kookamonga Curry Chicken'

With AOLgate Seemingly Past, Choppergate Erupts

Today Democratic Presidential hopeful Sen. John Kerry attacked the president's disclosure in the AOLgate scandal, at a rally in Wisconsin where a primary is taking place today.
Kerry says "Bush misled us about who was in the AOL commercials. Bush previously has admitted he doesn't read the newspaper. Well, {chuckles} apparently he doesn't read the TV Guide either. "
{Kerry chuckles some more}
"He faux pased when he said those were cast members of something called 'West Coast Choppers',when the record clearly shows the Discovery Channel show is 'American Chopper'."

The show features the employees of the family-owned Orange County Choppers who build custom motorcycles.

Kerry continued, "I watch the show all the time and am a big fan. But Bush obviously doesn't know anything about American pop culture and Bush obviously doesn't know anything about choppers. I, for one, know all about choppers; because I flew in a great big green one when I was leaving Vietnam, with all my medals."

This fake news story brought to you by Cheese Eating Surrender Monkeys. Remember friends, Cheese Eating Surrender Monkeys say 'No unilateral deployment!, No freedom for Oil! We preemptively surrender! Vote Kerry!*'
_{* No, don't really vote Kerry - ed. Thanks, Mike the Marine}

BUSH-AOL link confirmed

Under fire of most hurtful accusations to date, George W. Bush, this morning released his complete credit card records to the public domain. Examination of the records reveals a late December 2003 payment was made to an account linked to the accounts receivable department of the TimeWarner media conglomerate holding 'America Online', also known as AOL.

This afternoon, President Bush, in a prepared statement, admitted he had been connected to AOL in the past.
" I was drawn in by AOL's cool commercials involving the cast of West Coast Choppers. Watching those guys argue and build custom choppers is great fun. They are great Americans living the Great American Dream. Also the speed that was promised during those commercials was quite enticing. I had hoped to fast forward to November and hurry up and thrash any French looking treasonmongerin' opponent I might happen to face in the General Elections.
I canceled the AOL account when I realized it was slower to connect than a left leanin' media outlet connects to a French kissin' scandal. Ok, that was unfair, AOL WOULD connect in less than two days. Anyway, I'm goin' broadband. Pro'bly cable."

This reporter for one, is glad to put this ugly ugly,chapter behind us.

This fake news story brought to you by BIG Cable Internet. Remember friends, BIG Cable Internet says 'Dialup bites and AOL sucks'

Kerry-Polier 2004

Hey now, no fair, We all need to drop this 'Kerry/affair' story. We really need to just drop it.

And we will drop it as soon as Kerry and Polier account for every minute of every day of their lives so that we might be able to categorically know for CERTAIN that they were never left unsupervised together for more than say 7 minutes. That way we'll know nothing ever happened and there won't appear to be any sort of double standard.

She says:

"I have never had a relationship with Senator Kerry, and the rumors in the press are completely false."

and also

"I never interned or worked for John Kerry," she told AP over the phone.

Notice, how what she said was all in the past tense, 'Never had' and 'Never interned or worked'. I mean, great Scott Ott!, she completely forgot to deny it in the present time! This could be going on now!!!! NOW!!!

He could be slipping off to Kenya every night.

Plastic Turkey!

Go James Lileks!

The delusions of their fringe have become articles of faith for the mainstream. Bush was AWOL! Bush knew! Bush lied! Bush never flosses! Skull and Bones! Plastic turkey!

I...can't...breath,...too...freakin'...funny.....Plastic turkey!

Don't forget, Bush lowered taxes! No wait, that's one they want us to forget.

And their cries of 'Free Saddam Now! Free Saddam Now! FREE SADDAM NOW!' ring out from the hills to the sea don't they?

Happy Migraine Day

I spent the whole day in bed today dealing with a supersized headache.

Hope yours was better.

Update: I guess I did get that nap and even the face numbing! BUt I'm all better now thanks.

My Funny Bone is Broken

My funny bone is broken. Not only do I feel nothing I've tried to post this week is remotely funny (I've deleted at least 5 posts), I can't seem to find the humor in things I would normally find funny. For example, I watched Friends last night. I hardly even smiled through the whole thing. My lovely and adoring Karen, sitting beside me was laughing on and off during the whole show. Admittedly the show does seem to be trying to be more poignant and introspective during it's final season, but still, I'm thinking, Hey, I should be laughing at this stuff, What's wrong with me?.

That was when I realized my funny bone is broken.

I laughed just once today. One good long hard laugh today when talking to my boss. I said 'If things keep going the way they are going, I was going to turn into [the CEO of our corporation]'. He laughed. I thought he was laughing because he thought I meant I was about to stage a coup d`corp to become CEO of our corporation (HAH, I would laugh at that too, if I could laugh that is) I attempted to recover saying 'I mean, I am becoming [CEO'S Name]esque'. Which, come to think of it, is actually to say devoid of humor. Think Donald Trump, eating lemons.

My boss said 'I thought you meant when you are leaving today you were going to sit and wait till you saw [CEO] crossing the parking lot and then', pantomiming hands on a steering wheel, "Turn into him'

That I laughed at.

I can laugh at the thought of someone being ran over by a mid sized SUV but not at the Daybyday cartoon, not at Friends or my other usual humor inputs. How sick is that?

To make thing worse, my usually deep well of conversational witicisms is drier than Joe Lieberman reading a white paper on html, in hex.

When, I'm being spoken to, I just nod and agree, nod and agree, nod and agree or sometimes I shake my head, not to disagree mind you, just when it seems I need to shake my head based on the tone of the other person's voice. No fiery repartee or abrupt changing of subjects to something tangentially similar but only just barely so. Just nod or shake.

No. No, my wits are so dull it actually hurts to try to use them. My funny bone aches when I try to put any weight on it.

My energy, adrenaline, strength has outsourced to India. Gone. Even caffeine, dear sweet caffeine, doesn't fully wake me up I relegated the wisp of energy I get from caffeine to more mundane tasks of life. Such as keeping my heart beating, and my lungs filling and emptying. Anymore to ask of caffeine is too much.

I'll gonna get my funny bone put in a nice cast and then, then I'm going to take a stone cold, dead serious,face numbing nap. And while I nap, I'm going to try to dream of making monkey noises and relive the golden days when I laughed with and at others.

I'm going for that nap now, Wake me in November if you don't mind.

Update: Mike the Marine has diagnosed me with beal

My views/opinions/posts whatever.

The views expressed on this website/weblog are mine alone and do not necessarily reflect the views of my employer.

from here.

My views/opinions/posts whatever, are just that, mine They do not necessarily express the company policy of the company for which I work or the individuals to which I report. I might be wrong, I might be right, I might be crazy or I might just be mad. No warranties expressed or implied.

Monkey Hater breaks 1M hits

Upchuckle, transitive verb, ( '&p-ch&-k&l) To laugh quietly or to oneself till one throws up on oneself.

Frank J, at IMAO, one of my influences in my quest to make folks laugh if not puke for whichever reason, just broke 1,000,000 hits.

So what's the score here at the FSMC?

We...just...scraped...past...1K.

Frank J, is a riot. I should be so funny. Unfortunately he doesn't like monkeys.

Still Working Hard for the "Man"

.....

Work Deadline Looms.

No meaningful posts today.

Yes, just like every other day. Except with fewer words from me.

Kerry did what when he was commander of Swift Boat 44?!?!

Hmmmmm, this does not bode well for Kerry.

Ohio officially 38th state to ban .g.a.y. marriage

From CNN.com - Bob Taft, governor of Ohio, signs bill making state 38th to ban same sex marriage

Outstanding, I guess America's heartland still has some heart, after all.

Coffee: Creamer, Sweetener, Black or Not at all?

As I've said before, I like love require my morning/afternoon/evening coffee. I need at least 4 fillings of my two cup capacity travel mug to get my day started, never mind what it takes to be optimally functional, whatever that is.
If I haven't said it before, no, decaf. IS NOT, repeat NOT coffee, it's warm flavored artificially colored water for losers people who want to look like they're drinking real coffee.

How do I take my coffee? Thanks for asking. 2 Creamers, no Sugar. And I don't stir it, I add the creamer and let the coffee mix it as I pour it in on top. I'm lazy that way.

My query for you is this. Do you drink coffee and if so how do you like YOUR coffee? How many cups a day do you put away? And as long as we're on the subject, do you mind making a fresh pot I could really use a cup or 12. Hey, don't give me that attitude, I brewed the last one, its your turn.

Phase Of Matter

I must be a real old timer at the tender age of 33 because I can remember when we had 4 phases of matter: Vapor, Liquid Solid and Plasma. But the first three I mentioned are all you or I run into on a day to day basis. I guess you could say it's a good thing we don't run into plasmas, they're freakin' HOT (the Sun is a plasma)

Now they are coming fasting and furious, Added just recently are Bose-Einstein condensate, A Fermionic Condensate and A New, Supersolid, Phase Of Matter and these all exist under conditions approaching absolute zero.(glad I don't bump my knee on this stuff too).

OK, My math says 7, of course antimatter would double that and mirror matter(if it exists) would double it again.
That's a freaking lot of phases! So 28 kinds of matter. Makes me wonder, what does the future hold?

Bryan No longer Arguing with signposts

After 12 months, Bryan over at Arguing with signposts is arguing no more. At this writing there is no word on whether the signposts or Bryan won the yearlong verbal melee. We'll miss him.

FSMC - Europeans want to send humans to Mars - But Won`t

2/3/2004-- Europeans want to send humans to Mars but won't. The European Space Agency has announced they want to start a manned space program with the end result being humans on Mars. But they say "Don't hold us to that. Remember, we tried to send a lander there too and see how that turned out. There are a quite a few things we want to do with our space program but so far haven't been able to do. The lander was a failure at delivering functional hardware to the surface of Mars, but it was quite the success at delivering ESA functionaries the hard cash right here on the surface of Earth. However,we are certain that we hit it, in other words, the Beagle has crash-landed. "

"And we continue full faith and confidence we can deliver other "successes" like that in the near to long term future. And if we never hit a another space rock with our hardware...we are sure that...we fell confident in the utmost we CAN start the program. We CAN spend every Euro budgeted for the program and then some. We might even be able to build some nice looking hardware that we'll proudly put the ESA logo on and blow it up trying to put it in orbit. Optimistically, a few tries later we'll promptly smash one onto the surface of the moon and later, within say, five to ten years, if ever, later, we'll smash a similar model on mars. But put a living human being on the Moon or Mars? We wouldn't dare try that, really, I just don't see it. Seriously, let me see if I can name all the European Space explorers to go into orbit onboard ESA built space craft......hmm...yes.. no... he was onboard a shuttle......and then there was....no...he was on a Soyuz.....aha..yes...now I remember. Yep, nobody, zippo, nada. We want to really, really bad, but it seems we won't to just as badly. We think it is technically feasible to conduct a failed mission on the moon between 2020 and 2025 and then send a similarly fated mission to Mars between 2030 and 2035. Honestly though, we just couldn't let the American president Bush's unilateral Moon-Mars space speech go unanswered. We have a space program too. remember?' said Francko Nogo-nogo, project manager of the ESA’s fledgling Argh-Ruh-Roh space exploration program.

Fresh FSMC Fake News brought to you by...Unnamed Democratic Candidate. Remember friends Unnamed Democratic Candidate says "I have a remote chance at beating Bush this year. Named Democratic Candidate? Not so much. So vote Unnamed Democratic Candidate for President"

R Lee Ermey

Watching Mail Call on the History Channel and doing my part to not doom myself to repeating history. Heh, R. Lee, you just can't help but like this guy [WARNING: INTRO is R.L.E. giving you the D.I. treatment, loudly].. He's rough and rough and gruff. Moreso, he's old school in the way new school wishes they could be. The man really puts the hurt on the melons. Stupid, rotten, commie, melons.

NOW drop and give me 20!
Booo Yah!

Liar, Scaredy Yellow Pants

About 11 months ago we hear reports of Saddam tough talking like this.

"Saddam Hussein has in recent days spoken on television of his intention to die in Iraq and to die fighting if necessary."

Then a little over a month and a half ago we hear this load of, well, lets just call it a load.

"My name is Saddam Hussein,...I am the president of Iraq and I want to negotiate."

Negotiate? Negotiate? Why not "My name is Saddam Hussein,...I am the president of Iraq and you'll never take me ALIIIIVE!!!, Muh wahahaha!"

The rest of the story could have read like this: Then the 'tyrant without a country' came out the hole, appearing to have muscled up during his time underground. With guns blazing, sixpack rippling, and mouth screaming 'Eat lead American pig-dogs', did a few bullet time moves as bullets whizzed by, realized he wasn't Neo and was then riddled with heavy machine gun fire, light arms fire, some small stones and more than a few spitwads.

Still firing his matching chrome plated 'Saddam city' specials and spouting bright read Sunni blood from dozens of newly American-made orifices, a few of which had been neatly plugged by the smattering of spitwad fire, Saddam screamed prpheticly 'Come on, you sons of men who have no sons can do better than that!, This will be the mother of all death scenes!' At that a flurry of grenades are lobbed into the air over his head and detonate, causing the Ramboesque scene to end as violently as it began. With Saddam coalescing into Hussein stew and draining back into the spider hole. Later, smiling but visibly grossed out coalition forces used an ice cream scoop to retrieve his carcass.

NOOOO, instead we get this load...er...story,

Saddam was hiding in a polystyrene-covered underground hide-out near one of his former palaces in his hometown of Tikrit. He was dishevelled and wearing a thick beard, and though he was armed with a pistol, the man who waged and lost two wars against the United States and its allies did not resist or fire a shot.

So the tough talk was just talk.

Know what worse than being a big loser? Being a big lying scaredy yellow pants loser loser. That's right, I said loser twice and I don't care. This Saddam capture story is about as stale as bag of crackers left out open on the counter for a month and a half but I don't care about that either.